Members of Congress will get a crash course on bitcoin on Monday, the digital “currency” that allows users to conduct transactions online. In just five years the virtual currency has gone from being worth pennies to nearly $600 a piece. It has funded nascent democracy movements as well as a huge underground marketplace for illegal drugs and weapons. We set out to answer the question: What Are Bitcoins? Below is an attempt to answer that and many other questions surrounding the virtual currency. And we promise to speak really, really slowly. When I was 4, I bit a coin, swallowed it, and had to go to the emergency room. I’ve had a fear of payphones and gumball machines ever since. Thank goodness Congress has finally gotten around to fixing the scourge of people biting coins. Wait… is this the same thing?